This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
