Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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