I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
