Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
