Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
