I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I have demons in me.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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