Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
