Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
