Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
