Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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