is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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