I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize