Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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