DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
