I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
People in love make me want to vomit
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I forget how to act sober
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