The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
