Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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