god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Randomize
