Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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