I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We're not piercing ourselves today.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
