Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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