ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
