i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
