The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
