Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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