I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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