is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
