he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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