you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
