no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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