I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
