I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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