True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
