god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
