Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
