John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
