i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
The ass gains better be worth it
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
