i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize