But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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