Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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