I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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