All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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