so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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