I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
