god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
