planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
