just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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