I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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