Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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