..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
