I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
