ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
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