dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
