i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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