So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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