Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
This is classic penis vs brain.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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