my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
