So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
She announced her abortion via fbk
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize