I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
