You're completely useless in the revolution.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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