I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
